Chuck norris jokes a selection of the best 30 jokes. Chuck norris went looking for a bar but couldnt find one. Chuck norris grabbed them by the seat of their pants and shirt collar, and chucked them out the door. Chuck norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month, they bleed for a week because of it.
Chuck norris doesnt play games, games play chuck norris. Chuck norris walks into a house it then becomes haunted. See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. Chuck norris was the first person on earth, but he was hiding from god when eva and adam. The chuck norris jokes started in the summer of 2005 as the result of a thread on the somethingawful forums. Chuck norris halloween facts, funny chuck norris facts.
Chuck norris can carry more than 6 pokemons at once. Mainly because chuck will end the world after hearing it. Chuck norris jokes best chuck norris jokes, facts, quotes. Where did the chuck norris joke phenomena originate from.
Chuck norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink. Onision isnt a comedian, his mom is because she made such a joke. If you say chuck norris name in mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Best chuck norris facts the top ten best chuck norris facts. The complete chuck norris joke book by robert schneider. Chuck norris wrote every single edition of the choose your. Chuck norris can light a fire by rubbing two icecubes together. Chuck norris doesnt knock a girl up he knocks her down. When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for chuck norris. Chuck norris threw a grenade and killed 50 zombies, then it. Theres no such thing as a tornado chuck norris just hates trailer parks. For three years, ive been solicited to write this manuscript.
Chuck norris jokes 9 chuck norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. Chuck norris fell off his bike once, and the road got chuck rash. Moderator of rchucknorrisjokes archived rchucknorrisjokes is now under new management and has been reopened. Chuck norris doesnt go hunting, because hunting implies the possibility of failure, chuck norris goes killing. I looked through several chuck norris joke books, but this one was written by chuck norris himself and is very clean. There were 15,687,516 deaths in world war 2 chuck norris is two kills away from the record. Watch and share onision gifs and spazm gifs on gfycat.
Chuck norris once entertained chuck connors at his ranch, but chuck bronson and chuck brown crashed the party. Air force vet, actor, martial arts expert, film producer, and entrepreneur has become a living legend of sorts. Some little kids like to wear superman costumes until they find out that superman wears a chuck norris costume. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down. All orders are custom made and most ship worldwide within 24 hours. Jul 21, 2007 chuck norris doesnt go hunting, because hunting implies the possibility of failure, chuck norris goes killing. Chuck norris once pissed into the gas tank of a truck as a prank. Chuck norris facts for wizards, a harry potter fanfic. Chuck norris jokes 3 chuck norris jokes 4 chuck norris jokes 5 chuck norris jokes 6 chuck norris jokes 7 chuck norris jokes 8 chuck norris jokes 9 clean jokes computers country jokes dirty jokes doctor doctor. Chuck norris doesnt actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. Youll find several, all new, harry potter based chuck norris facts, as well as an old favorite or two.
When chuck norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. Chuck norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Even in the wizarding world, chuck norris is a man to be feared. Superman once challenged chuck norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside. Comment on top 100 chuck norris jokes superman once had a dream that he spiderman batman and captain america found chuck morris and beat him to death. I thin chuck norris jokes are stupid and repetitive but this one is hilarious, the only chuck norris joke that has made me laugh fidelcanojr.
For three years, people from everywhere have inquired in person and by mail about what i think of particular chuck norris facts. On this date in 1940, carlos ray chuck norris was born in ryan, oklahoma. In this humorous yet honest guide, he roundhouse kicks the false claims and power boosts the true ones. So, finally, im happy to offer the world the official chuck norris fact book, 101 of my favorite facts, with. Published by a muggleborn wizard, its chuck norris facts for wizards.
Oliver oliver reed, 155 worlds funniest chuck norris jokes and facts. Chuck norris doesnt post chuck norris jokes, the world will do for him. More than 40 million people use github to discover, fork, and contribute to over 100 million projects. In recent years, a mythology has sprung up around the action icon, with tales about his great fetes becoming their own brand of joke. A thread started called post your vin diesel facts in response to the movie the pacifier coming out. Chuck norriss girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Mar 10, 2015 chuck norris turns 75 today, and the internet is celebrating. Chuck norris once wrote a biography about his life. Chuck norris can watch a 26 hours video in 1 hour, without fast forwarding. Onision couldve at least done some research before writing, or reread it. Chuck norris iq can be expressed simply as a sideways eight. Superman once challenged chuck norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwe.
Simply by pulling on both ends, chuck norris can stretch diamonds back into coal. Not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of chuck norris. Chuck norris doesnt move, the world moves beneath him. So here is my everexpanding list of chuck norris jokes. Chuck norris halloween facts ghosts sit around the campfire and tell chuck norris stories. Chuck norris facts are satirical factoids about american martial artist and actor chuck norris that have become an internet phenomenon and as a result have become widespread in popular culture. When chuck norris was born the only person who cried was the doctor. Nov 01, 2009 my 11 year old grandson loves chuck norris and chuck norris jokes. Mar 10, 2017 on this date in 1940, carlos ray chuck norris was born in ryan, oklahoma. Of all the people on this world you could tick off, mr.
Sep 02, 20 im sorry, but the chuck norris jokes out there just crack me up and kids love em especially preteen and middle school boys. Today, that biography is known as the encyclopedia. Chuck norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. I still havent quite figured out if its meant to be a joke or actually taken seriously. The facts are normally absurd hyperbolic claims about norris toughness, attitude, sophistication, and masculinity chuck norris facts have spread around the world, leading not only to translated. After a night of partying, chuck norris doesnt throw up, he throws down. Onision was only inspired to begin writing books when he found there was an area of selfexpression he had not yet tapped into.
Chuck norris doesnt bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. Chuck norris jokes are jokes about martial artist and actor chuck norris that have become an internet phenomenon and as a result have become widespread in popular culture. Chuck norris once pissed into the gas tank of a truck as a. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Air force vet, actor, martial arts expert, film producer, and entrepreneur has become a. Chuck norris yelled over the roar of the flames, always leave things the way you found them.
The facts are normally absurd hyperbolic claims about norris toughness, attitude, sophistication, and masculinity. Updated regularly to bring you the best jokes and witty one liners on the web. In case you didnt know much about chuck norris, this is for the most part all you need to know. Here is a collection of zombie apocalypse jokes meets chuck norris jokes.
Download it once and read it on your kindle device, pc, phones or tablets. Chuck norris doesnt flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it. Im sorry, but the chuck norris jokes out there just crack me up and kids love em especially preteen and middle school boys. Chuck norris was the first person on earth, but he was hiding from god when eva and adam were created. Mar 25, 2006 some of chuck norris favorite chuck norris jokes when the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for chuck norris. Chuck norris please choose a joke to your left, you may need to scroll down to see the jokes in the category you chose. The ultimate collection of 644 chuck norris jokes, if you know of more please post them at the bottom.
Inspired designs on tshirts, posters, stickers, home decor, and more by independent artists and designers from around the world. Onision has somehow, beyond all expectations, written his worst book yet. Chuck norris jokes really funny clean jokes and humor. Chuck norris has a wood chuck ranch where he eats chuck steak at the chuck wagon.
The jokes typically claim that chuck norris is some type of irate, allpowerful superbeing. May 09, 20 chuck norris doesnt breathe, he holds air hostage. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. Chuck norris jokes best chuck norris jokes, facts, quotes and sayings adams hilarious joke books book 10 kindle edition by roos, adam. When an episode of walker texas ranger was aired in france, the french surrendered to chuck norris just to be on the safe side. Inspired by the world famous chuck norris facts, here are the top 10 chuck norris shark facts, in no particular order. Chuck norris turns 75 today, and the internet is celebrating. In 2007, however, penguin usa collated the best of these chuck norris facts and released a book called the truth about chuck norris. Chuck norris destroyed the periodic table because only he knows the element of surprise. May you survive the laughter in zombie apocalypse chuck norris just reads the city sign and the zombies get out before he gets there. The earth doesnt rotate, it merely moves in response to chuck norris walking on top of it.
Use features like bookmarks, note taking and highlighting while reading chuck norris jokes best chuck norris jokes, facts, quotes and sayings adams hilarious joke books book 10. Chuck norris doesnt make chocolate milk he tells the cow to. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. You can only go so far before all hope of return is lost. When chuck norris was pulled over for speeding, the officer left with a warning. Discover the code by which one of the worlds greatest action heroes lives his life. Onisionspeaks has fun interesting topics and uhohbro is just a hilarious stuff channel. Chuck norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. My 11 year old grandson loves chuck norris and chuck norris jokes. Chuck norris favorite flavor of pie is chuck norris flavor or he will also enjoy the occasional round house kick flavor.
The continents dont drift they back slowly away from chuck norris. All the cheesy chuck norris jokes aside, horrendous dialogue and tonedeaf acting during this threeonone front porch frenzy turned reply. Chuck norris ipod has every picture ever taken except for the fact that he photoshopped them to have himself in the picture roundhouse kicking everything in the picture. Norris shouldnt be one of em these are some of the most popular chuck norris jokes on the net. Chuck norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. Has anyone actually read the books written by onision of youtube. Just a list of creatures chuck norris has allowed to live.